My Generation

A lot on my mind right now. I need to get this on paper before I lose this sleepless night to the copy of the new Assassin's Creed sitting on the end table.

My sister just told me that she's now engaged. She's the oldest in my generation of my family excluding me -- I'm 7 years her senior. I am happy for her, but sad at the same time. Not because I don't approve of the boy, the circumstance, or anything else. I'm sad because for the first time in her life, my sister is putting up tangible boundaries of who she is and who she will be, and that person is nothing like me.

To understand why this is such a big deal to me, consider that I've never met anyone quite like me. I've had the word "enigma" used on me enough times in my life that I feel comfortable describing myself as such. The problem with being different is that I have vision and (lvl. 1) focus, but I lack the human capital to execute on what's important. Time management and better prioritization will only get me so far. The big idea in my head needs to grow legs and stand on its own. In order for it to live larger and longer than me, it needs to become a more tangible entity. Let's face it: so long as an idea is endemic to one mind, it isn't really an idea -- it's just a thought. Finding peers that I can relate to in my generation has been a struggle.

I had the opportunity to share drinks with a mentor and the conversation drifted to this very topic. His statement, and I agree, is that my generation is full of passionate, talented, and unfocused people. 20-somethings who are craving for someone to grab them by the scruff and give them something to fight for. He believes, and I'd like to agree, that these leaders need to come from within their own generation, not from an older one. I've been grooming myself to be in this position for the last 5 years. I crave time with this mentor and a few other men in their 30s and 40s. I desire the charisma that comes with experience and wisdom. Emulating this behavior without having spent 10 years in the trenches will be my next big trick.

What this mentor doesn't know is that I have been looking to build a team for some time now. And failing. There have been no chance encounters and my long-term prospects all fell flat. In terms of leaders in my generation, I think of the quote from Watchmen where Rorschach is musing on the dwindling number of heroes in the world: "Why are so few of us left active, healthy, and without personality disorders?"

Returning to my sister: some part of me thought blood would be the difference. Although they are much younger, my siblings have a faintly similar upbringing and have spent a lot of time in my company and have been influenced by me for much of their young lives.

Now, I'm realizing a few things. I've accepted that my sister will become her own woman and matriculate to nothing resembling me; my thoughts that she would be different were more of my desire for an "easy button" or at the very least, someone I could continue to relate to throughout my adult life. This isn't true.

In terms of building a team, conversations with my mentor have laid bare that I'm pretty damn picky. What he's taught me is that I don't need people like me, I need people who compliment me. In reality, the perfect people for me will have quirks I can't stand, be more bourgeois than I care for, and probably equally displeased with me. The catch is that these people will get value from my brand of crazy, and I theirs. The next step in my personal growth is to learn how to be a better judge of character, a more accepting mentor, and a leader of my peers.

I now understand that no one is going to walk into my life and start flying my flag right away. I will need to invest *heavily* in others just to get them to realize their own potential; long before I will even know if I can realize any value. It will be an exercise in faith, something I have very little of. I will learn to embrace the perceived shortcomings of others, challenge my perception, and understand that everyone belongs somewhere.

I can start with my sister.